Wednesday, December 19, 2012

..Reflection..

As much as it may seem to be, this is not a call for comments telling me how special I am and how much I mean to the people around me.

Maybe, maybe it has a hint of “pity party” to it.

But I think, more than that, it is just this: Truth.

So after evaluating my feelings (is this just an emotional reaction) and weighing the outcome (what will  your response be) I have decided (yes, it is true) to post about what has been weighing on my mind-and heart.

I am a “friendly” person. I love people and am not shy- so basically, the first time we meet, you will probably leave with a strong, mostly-accurate, opinion of who I am.

And--here I hesitate-- but you will probably like me. Or at least leave with words like “Bubbly, excited, talkative,” attached to the mental picture of a smiling, jolly, rounded face.

And this makes me happy. (“of course”, you might be thinking, “what doesn’t”?)

But…then…that’s all it is.

And now I watch you, getting to KNOW other people. Finding out about them. Growing, growing each day that you see them. Building from your foundation bit by bit, conversation by conversation. Discovering. Discovering “Who are You, You mysterious Person I have not yet REALLY met.”

My folder is still there, yes, of course. Always there. But sealed. Because, after all, it’s Gracie Woodrow. Everyone knows her.

Maybe, maybe, sometimes it is opened, but if so, it is to hastily scribble a few sides notes, such as: “She got upset.” “She was serious.” And instead of this adding, coloring or shaping my character in your mind, it detracts from it. Because now I’m the happy person…who sometimes doesn’t smile. Or the funny person…who didn’t tell a joke.

I’m not sure how I want this to end.  I’m thankful, I really am. I’m thankful I love people. I’m thankful people love me. I’m thankful that I can make friends in one day.

But, I guess
…….sometimes…….it makes me feel….


lonely

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Two Little Words Called Trust and Grace

Trust
Sometimes I wonder why there isn't more Trust among friends. Maybe it's because to receive Trust, you have to earn it. And to earn Trust you have to be entrusted with something. And we can't really go around handing out Trust-chances like pieces of candy to hungry children.

Because Trusting something leaves us vulnerable. And Vulnerability must be avoided at all costs. The fear of Vulnerability makes us nervous. When we are nervous, we are quick to doubt. When we doubt, we are quick to judge. When we judge, we are quick to condemn.

Condemnation leaves no room for the benefit of the doubt. There is no room for understanding. There is no room for Grace.

Grace
Giving people another chance. Having the Grace to look at things differently. Forgiveness...Without Cause.

If we could Trust, and be Trusted...if we received Grace and gave it... how beautiful friendship could be. How beautiful it would be....to be Vulnerable.....and find

Security

Friday, October 26, 2012

Fire...(for Lack of a Better Title)


Reading James Joyce in Brit. literature and was compelled to copy his style. Now to see if you guys can get the secret behind the story. :)

He stirred the fire with a stick. It was late afternoon, going on twilight. The red fire of the sky was quickly turning to a pale purple as the sun sank behind the mountains.

His spirits perked as he saw her walking across the field. He nudged the fire harder as a distraction, lifting his eyes in quick little jerks.

She was the minister’s daughter. If asked two weeks ago he would have called her but a child, but something had happened that Sunday of the picnic.

She had been sitting with her friends at the youth table. She must have been taking up some sort of challenge, for when she glanced at him her eyes were bright with excitement. And in that moment, his heart stopped. She smiled demurely, and turned her face away. But he was mesmerized. Bewitched. He found himself studying her. He remembered the crisp green of her dress, and the loose braid that fell across her shoulder.  How had he not noticed those long lashes, the soft curve of her cheek, or the strong tilt of her chin? It was as if that one glance from her had opened a whole new world to him. Suddenly he began seeking her out. And there she would be. In the market place, passing through the street, sitting at the park.

And here she was again. Making her way across the field. What had gotten into him? He was almost twice her age, and had not much interest in love before.

He could not help but watch the way her yellow dress swirled around her ankles and how she clutched it to herself occasionally, keeping it clear from the mud.

He thought of how lovely it would be to have her sitting across from him at his table. He had been rather lonely the past year, had he not?  He noted the light way in which she walked and the gentle swaying of her hips.

Maybe this was just the sort of thing he needed in his life after all- Stability. Excitement. He admired her hair, burning like fire against the sun’s light.

He had yet to speak to her, aside from the polite words here and there, but what did he have to lose? He watched the graceful movement of her hands- those soft, delicate hands- as she brushed her hair out of her eyes.

He would do it! In fact, he was not so old for it to be considered improper. And, he reasoned, she had not seemed dis-comforted when she caught him staring into her eyes. Those deep blue eyes. He could almost see now the delight in them as she raised her head to the sky, her face tilted slightly. He could almost make out the rosy hue of those lips that smiled to the sun.

He broke into a smile, convinced that, yes, he was in love and that yes, he was going to marry this minister’s daughter! By now, she had reached the far corner of the field, and just as she slipped behind the wall, she threw her head over her shoulder, her eyes meeting his.

Although it was for only a second, he could not mis-read the guileful grin that was on her face.

The fire died suddenly and only hot, black coals remained.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Canta Minha Alma

Today I'm falling more in love with Portuguese. Or maybe it's Africa. Or maybe it's music..

I just want to take the opportunity right now-in case you guys do not know, in case I have not said as many times as I should, in case I have not felt it as much I needed to- to say

Thank You, Oh Father, for putting me in Nampula, Mozambique.
Thank You for placing me in this family.
Thank You for surrounding me with Truth.
Thank You for Communao dos Crentes e Cristo.
Thank You for Youth group.
Thank You for UJC.
Thank You for UIFEC.
Thank You for Jermias, Calton, Rosorio and Isma.
Thank You for memories.
And most of all, thank You for showing me Your saving grace.
Thank You for choosing me as Your own.
Thank You, thank You, thank You.

.......Canta Minha Alma.......

Thursday, October 18, 2012

A Space to Call my Own- (a little girl's lesson)

Today I was remembering.....


I guess it all started with the story we read in school.
There was a little boy who lived with his mom and younger siblings in a New York City apartment. This little boy was always surrounded by people, things, activity, movement from here to there. And one day the boy broke down. "I want a space of my own!" So this little boy looked everywhere, just to find a place to be silent. A place to be still.

When I was a kid I was hardly what you'd call the 'quiet type' (I'm sure you can imagine) but something about this story touched me. I don't know what it was. I'm not going to say I was craving stability in my life, that I needed to discover myself, or that after living in one shipping container with my whole family for a year I was having an identity crisis, because only God truly understands the mind of a 6 year old.

But this is what I do know.

I read that story over and over (or rather, gazed at the pictures as my mom read it to me). And pretty soon I started looking for a quiet place for myself. A place that would be mine. A space to call my own.

Needless to say my siblings thought I was crazy. Who was this girl moping about looking for privacy? Surely not Grace the Loud-mouth, the Attention Hog, the one who cried every time her siblings were invited somewhere without her!

And yet here I was- solemnly announcing that I wanted a space of my own. A place by myself.

Here is when my parents showed me how they are the greatest parents in the whole world.

The next morning Dad opened up the back of our old Toyota. Mom put a blanket inside and found a few flowers for decoration. Dad brought out some porridge and toast. They asked if I was alright and I nodded.

And there I sat- eating my breakfast alone- as the rest of my family sat around the table passing around the jam no doubt.

   And it was quiet-

                    And I was happy-

                                  I had a Space of my own.


  After my breakfast, dad came out and asked if I wanted to join them.

And that's when I realized....
                           The best thing about having a space of your own
                                                                                 is choosing to stay with others.


And that was that.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Christ in Me

I just got back from our English-speaking/foreigners Youth group (Clay) and was really convicted with the message we heard there.

The actual lesson was about our identity in Christ and how we need to stop measuring ourselves compared to the worlds standards, or our own standards, but see what God says is Truth about who we are in Him. Just to be reminded that my 'goodness' or 'holy status' does not depend on me is so refreshing! That Christ has paid it all...taken my sin and placed in me HIS Righteousness....who am I to doubt the Power of His blood when HE says I am pure? Amazing love, how can it be!

But our youth leader added on at the end a very important note. If we are now In Christ, He should be our identity. Who we are and what we do should reflect Christ.

He brought it home by bringing up our interactions with each other. How am I treating my brothers and sisters in Christ?

He reminded us of the power of Words. Is what I am doing or saying in 'fun' really causing someone pain? Are my interactions with others stemming from my genuine love and compassion for them?

And not just to my brothers and sisters in Christ, but to the world around me! Am I being an example of the same compassion and tenderness that Jesus showed daily as He walked here on this earth? Would someone define me as being Christ-like? But shouldn't I be? Shouldn't we all be who claim to have Him at our core? Not because we are amazing special people in and of ourselves, but because we have an Amazing, Special Power at work within us!

Oh, Christ, make me more like You! Let me disappear as my heart, mind, lips and attitude cry in a united voice: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!

Friday, October 12, 2012

Is the Danger of Loving Worth the Danger of Not?

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one..Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." - C.S. Lewis

"Lock it up safe in the coffin of your selfishness." 


If you know me or my blog at all this will not be the first time you've heard this thought, but never stated so penetratingly like this. (Thank you, Lewis) Is the danger of loving worth the danger of not? 


Let me just close with another quote:


"What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly.... Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon it's goods." -Thomas Paine

Monday, October 8, 2012

The Wall

I climbed on top of the wall and sat, examining the view before making my choice.
On the right side my family and close friends were calling me, begging me to come over. But on the left, people just kept milling about, ignoring me, as though they didn't care if I went one way or the other.
After a while, I couldn't take it anymore and I called out to the Devil:
 "How come the people on God's side are trying so hard to get me to come over, but your people don't seem to care if I'm on your side or not? Explain this to me!" I demanded.
"Buddy," He grinned, "What you don't understand is that the wall IS my side."


An illustration I heard the other day I wanted to share!

Friday, August 3, 2012

And so with heavy heart...I smile.

The past two months have been such a sweet gift from God. On May 15(?) my brother and his good friend came out to stay with us for the summer. Personally, I think it was one of the best decisions they've ever made. ;)
All the fun and laughter and joy that filled the house! All the conversations, encouragments and prayers. But it always seemed that at the peak of it all my heart would hesitate- all the happiness that I was experiencing I knew would soon come to an end. And the more joy I felt now, the harder it would be to let go later.
Now, I'm not going to go into the whole Can't Love Can't Hurt/ Hello-Goodbye talk, since I have another blogpost dealing with that, but it is something my mind wrestled with, esp. this week, as it has been one full of goodbyes. On Monday my best friend returned to South Africa, on Thursday our 'brother' (Kent's friend) left, and tomorrow Kent heads out as well.
So today we gather around the kitchen. Mom's rolling out tortillas and I'm making bagels, while the boys and Dad play Citadels around the corner table. Sounds cozy, doesn't it?
And yet...and yet, the smile doesn't quite reach our eyes. Our hearts are weighed down even as we laugh. Our hearts are heavy.
This not an excuse for me to throw a pity party. My joy should not stem from circumstances and people, but from the continuous presence and delight in God! To understand the TOTAL sufficiency of Christ is an amazing thing, but does that mean that it's wrong to be 'heavy hearted'?
You know those seemingly contradictions- like ''God I tremble before you; my heart sings for joy'' verses? Or ''I love you so much, it hurts''? I think I understand what it means. It's like a see-saw: the heavier the one side, the higher the other. The more fun and love and joy I have in my heart because of the memories and people God has placed in this moment, the heavier my heart will be when it comes time to say goodbye. I think the point where you have to worry is if you DON'T feel anything at the end..because that may say something about how much you valued the precious moments and people God has placed in your life.
Today my heart is heavy- and that is why I smile.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity-Jig!

Well, sorry for the break from the detailed descriptions of our Paris Adventure! But things have been prett-tty crazy. We left South Africa, and arrived home 36 hours later. Goodness, it’s so good to be back! No place like Home!
And on other recent news…
Maximus Cornelius Woodrow- my new baby. He is such a cute puppy!

Monday, March 12, 2012

Monday- An Eiffel’s an Eiffel


We got off the airplane at 7 a.m. 7 a.m. Paris time that is. Yes, that’s right, we’re in Paris. To be honest, I can’t remember much of what happened that morning, except for thinking how odd it was to find pigeons in an airport! Once we found our baggage we set down trying to figure out our next move. Finally, we got on a mini-bus and set out, ready to enjoy the sights and sounds of Paris! Er- well, someone of us actually just slept for the two-hour car ride. But I’m sure that person was at least dreaming of the sight and sounds of Paris. Anywaaays, I do remember being slapped in the face. What a way to wake someone up from a peaceful dream, right? I could barely open my eyes (who  knew that eyelids could be so heavy!) but I rolled them open long enough to see…the Statue of Liberty?? Wait- what is THAT doing here? How long have I been asleep for?! ‘Gracie, there's the Eiffel!!’ I looked a little to the left and then there it was: the famous tower right before us! I remember thinking it looked smaller then what I expected, but, hey! an Eiffel’s an Eiffel is an eyeful, and I’m not going to complain! 

We got to our hotel around 11:00 and it was perfect! Our friends had a timeshare and let us use their ‘Hapimag’ rooms and it was in the most Paris-picture-like place ever! Two narrow streets crossed paths and we were right in the middle of both of them. The sidewalks were filled with parked motorcycles and a jumble of boots, leggings and coats. We were surrounded by buildings- big, think, grey, looking buildings. Little bakery stands stood on each corner. Wonderful smells of fresh breads, sweets, and crepes filled the air. The sound of bicycle bells and shuffling of feet and the fierce cold wind that slapped against our faces brought the picture to life. This was Paris.

We all decided to sleep till 3:00 p.m. then take it from there. Let the snoring begin!

At 3 we all got up, bundled up tight in jeans, scarves, gloves, tuks, and headed out on our very first Paris adventure! 

Shortly after we started our tour we found ourselves walking along a huge building that seemed to go on for miles- yes, we had reached the great Louvre! We found the bridge 'Nuef', taking in the beautiful sights and sound around us, crossed over, and passed by the grand Notre Dame. We looked into a couple souvenir shops, admired the delicious looking sandwiches, covered in fried cheese, and slowly made our way back home. The bridge we crossed over this time had hundreds and hundreds of locks- big and small- with names and hearts scratched into them, covering the chain-link wall. This was for sure the City of Love.

We found a grocery store close to out hotel, bought some frozen pizza and breakfast food for the next morning, and by 6:30 we were home. After our dinner of very interesting tasting pizza, we settled down to watch the first couple episodes of Little Dorrit. Oh, what a beautiful way to end this beautiful day!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Give Him your future, and He will use your past

While we were in California, I had the amazing opportunity to help out a Rescue Mission a few times. I can not tell you how blessed I was to serve there.
The Mission feeds the homeless and poor two meals a day, but along with that, they have a special 9 month program for men who want to turn their lives around. And it is truly a beautiful thing to see how God is using this mission to 'rescue, recover and restore' so many lives.

My first time at the rescue mission I was nervous. I had no idea what to expect. But afterward I looked back and was so amazed. The whole time I was there, I could hardly believe how gentle, humble, and polite these men were.

On one of my first trips I got to meet a young man who was in charge of dinner. I was struck by how honest and sincere he seemed to be. He told me he had just gotten baptized and how awesome Jesus was to him. He didn't try to hide the mistakes and sins of his past, but spoke openly about his addiction to drugs, and how he has been living 'before'.
On my last visit, I was assigned kitchen duty again. I was working with another young man. He told me he was 22, and throughout the conversation I found out that he had been taking care of his younger brother, was divorced, and his ex had custody of his 3 year old son. And here he was, planning the meal, serving it out to other homeless families, in rehabilitation, sharing his life story, and loving Christ. He told me he wanted to graduate and gain custody of his son. He introduced me to his little brother and pointed to the first guy I had worked with a few months earlier. 'He's my older brother..and that guy over there? That's my dad. We're all making the change together.' I was amazed. And humbled. And encouraged.

I am always thanked much for serving at the rescue mission. They make it seem like it's such a sacrifice and burden to help serve meals. I wish they only knew how they are ministering to me! How they remind me that there is more to life. How they manifest God's power and love in a way that no one else can. How they have brought me to my knees in prayer. And most of all how they have taught me that when you give your future to God, He WILL use your past -regardless of what it is- for His glory.
Praise be to Him, hallelujah!
http://www.vcrescuemission.org/index.php/en/rrr


Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Welcome to my Funeral


One reads of these characters in books that are the constant support and ever understanding. Then they get stepped on by the one person they try so hard to stand up for, and it is too much for them to bear. Their hurt turns to bitterness. The pitiful bruised soul shows itself in ugly revenge. They reach out to hurt their offender. Not physically. No, not physically, because that wouldn’t equal the pain that they themselves have been inflicted with. With the most powerful tool we have, they jump into battle with snide comebacks, and angry protests. They turn all their efforts that were placed to support and to love, into discontentment and rage.

But if one could see into her soul, all that would be left is pieces. No hate is harbored there. Only sorrow. The fire that burns is not of anger, but of anguish. The tears she cries are not from rage, but are borne from rejection.  And one would feel pity. It would bring about a sense of shame and guilt to the viewer that a soul, that once flourished and blossomed, would, on the account of ungratefulness, wither and perish.
 But how does one peer into the depths of a soul that is guarded and surrounded by thorns and snarling dogs?

And so she waits, wasting away, for her offender to finally see. For someone to finally understand, so that she may put away these foolish walls and once again reach out in love, to support and forgive. Her spirit aches for understanding and not judgment. For grace and not justice.
‘Cut through these walls and show me you care. Fight off my guard and conquer this spirit that is slowly rotting away in sorrow and self-pity! I am tired and weary of this pride that keeps my wounds afresh.’

  
  As the new year came in, I kept stumbling on the same verse: ‘Above all keep fervent in your love for one another, for love covers a MULTITUDE of sins.’  I wept, remembering Gods forgiveness towards me. How prideful I am to let my ‘feelings’ get in the way of serving Him by loving others. Who am I to waste this opportunity to be like Christ and forgive, and for what? My…self-respect? Jesus says ‘Die to self.’ And the beauty is…when you’re focusing on God, He will reward you with peace and fulfillment. It’s 5 days into the 2012. Let’s not wait till tomorrow.