Welcome to my Funeral

One reads of these characters in books that are the constant support and ever understanding. Then they get stepped on by the one person they try so hard to stand up for, and it is too much for them to bear. Their hurt turns to bitterness. The pitiful bruised soul shows itself in ugly revenge. They reach out to hurt their offender. Not physically. No, not physically, because that wouldn’t equal the pain that they themselves have been inflicted with. With the most powerful tool we have, they jump into battle with snide comebacks, and angry protests. They turn all their efforts that were placed to support and to love, into discontentment and rage.

But if one could see into her soul, all that would be left is pieces. No hate is harbored there. Only sorrow. The fire that burns is not of anger, but of anguish. The tears she cries are not from rage, but are borne from rejection.  And one would feel pity. It would bring about a sense of shame and guilt to the viewer that a soul, that once flourished and blossomed, would, on the account of ungratefulness, wither and perish.

 But how does one peer into the depths of a soul that is guarded and surrounded by thorns and snarling dogs?

And so she waits, wasting away, for her offender to finally see. For someone to finally understand, so that she may put away these foolish walls and once again reach out in love, to support and forgive. Her spirit aches for understanding and not judgment. For grace and not justice.

‘Cut through these walls and show me you care. Fight off my guard and conquer this spirit that is slowly rotting away in sorrow and self-pity! I am tired and weary of this pride that keeps my wounds afresh.’

  

  As the new year came in, I kept stumbling on the same verse: ‘Above all keep fervent in your love for one another, for love covers a MULTITUDE of sins.’  I wept, remembering Gods forgiveness towards me. How prideful I am to let my ‘feelings’ get in the way of serving Him by loving others. Who am I to waste this opportunity to be like Christ and forgive, and for what? My…self-respect? Jesus says ‘Die to self.’ And the beauty is…when you’re focusing on God, He will reward you with peace and fulfillment. It’s 5 days into the 2012. Let’s not wait till tomorrow.