What you WANT to do, and what you GOT to do

Why is it that when you feel so free spiritually you find you’re most tied down realistically? Take the past two weeks for instance.

I guess it all started while having a pity party for myself because I would be ‘sisterless’ and lonely and everyone should pity me, the poor M.K who has lost her best friend. 

While in the midst of trying to gather up sympathy from all those within 200 meters of me, something one of my friends said just kinda hit me.  It was pretty much ‘Get a grip’.

Get a grip. Ouch. I mean, seriously, no wants to hear that they have been acting like a crybaby and there little ‘Woe is me’ act is getting them nowhere. Just let me wallow, ok?

But I want to say thank you to that person…you helped me. One of the advise I had gotten was to occupy my time so that I wouldn’t have to think about how much I would miss my sister and I would have more time to be productive. So, after determining I was NOT going to be a sourpuss anymore I came up with a list of things to do. And guess what?? I was so excited! Planning a Safari Salon, starting a craft/ministry with the Mozambiquan ladies, helping at one of the orphanages here, learning crotchet and so much more! The greatest thing I think I was looking forward to is spending more one on one time with Christ and in His word. When things are stripped away, the greatest gift is that it brings you closer to Him.

I was feeling so positive! So happy and…free. I felt like the things that were IMPORTANT in life I’d have a chance to do!

You want to guess the downer? Uh-huh. Graphs, Nepal, Pascal, Special use dictionaries and the like. Other wise known as—School.

It seems like it’s always sneaking up on me.

To be honest with you I think, well, one can spend their whole life doing school and getting As but miss out on what’s most important. I mean, I know, I know. Education is valuable and I’m grateful for it but if I have to choose between trying to live up to the expectations of a man who thinks I came from monkeys and that life was produced by an explosion OR using the situations God places me in and the time He’s given me to serve others, grow spiritualy, love fully, live loudly, shine brightly then, sorry, mister scientist dude: I pick the latter.

I’m not saying I shouldn’t study, or I’m not even saying I can’t do all those things AND study. But if I CAN’T do the important things in life because the world says I need to be in college by 18, I just don’t see why it should matter.

But it does. I feel like I’m drowning in school, and I feel like I’m such a failure because when we had the church retreat I missed out on two days of school. It matters.

So, why can I feel so free spiritually and like I’m doing what’s important, then at the same time feel like I’m a failure? I guess it part of being a human and living in a human world. The important thing is to make sure you’re not missing out on the most valuable things in life for something that in the end won’t last. I guess what it comes down to is prioritizing your time and what you do with it. I’ll learn it some day.

Uh, gotta go…my science book is making angry faces at me…again. J